you are to be the lead-eulogist (among
a stellar line-up of noted speakers &
celebrities) you will speak from an
expert position (knowing my wishes)

you will mention this fact as an opening (in fact)

at the same time a group of say
ten people will move to the side of the room
& place a lemon on a dais they will then sit
& pay careful attention to the lemon
(as you continue to speak)

remember to show some visual signs
of annoyance at this & let the irritation
gradually take hold as you go on

eventually direct indirect comments
the way of the lemon people
move to openly lambasting them &
finally physically remove them
in a drawn-out scuffle

then squish the lemon under foot

it is the way i would have wanted it