this is my buffer of just one more day. already students have begun introducing themselves, apologising for their eager & early postings. i remember that sort of feeling.

i’ve already told the story of the student looking me up online. it did teach me never to reference real things students have said. there’s professionalism at stake, sure. maybe it taught me never to reference real things that have happened at all? that makes sense. i don’t want anyone to understand. although it’s probably never an act of omission… more a burying. you know what i mean.

i have felt lonely & probably have done most of this whole month just gone. that was to be expected. but it’s a new type of loneliness. i’m not used to this. knowing what you want but not being allowed to act. that’s the most frustrating aspect. i think i was told that once before. ample time to reflect, ample space. i’m emailing people i don’t care about as i sit by the heater, 8pm-ish.

i drove to the lake & sat there for way too long over lunch. wasting time. i took a series of least ten images & chose the best one to post. i pulled the contrast up & slid the warmth to the blue end of the scale. a ‘success’. a pathetic fallacy. a footnote in my personal history of grand gestures. i’d do anything.