it seems true, the media you find yourself drawn to echoes aspects of your own experience. the mood of that specific song speaks to you: it articulates something you’re going through, it’s extra poignant even though you know it might not be months down the track. why did i listen to that on repeat?

i watched buffy lose her virginity recently (you know, in the 90s tv sense, heads lowering to the pillows & the screen fading to black) & i found the whole follow-up really sad & moving. i mean the set piece where she rests her head on her mum’s shoulder… that made me feel things. good & evil are ultimately so simple. it’s all the moral ambiguity in the middle that hurts. love & loss; meaning & feeling. anyway, it’s always surprising to find yourself getting somewhat emotional in response to a fictional/textual scenario. i turned it off & started following sarah michelle gellar on instagram. that seemed to help. she does things with food now.

it’s her against the world. again, connections. the 26 minute drive to the office is planned auto-sensory-meridian-response time – that’s 52 minutes per day & i need to feel things otherwise i’m just staring straight ahead as the road, the world, unfolds in front of me.. (or ‘unravels’, right? because i did write a thesis on michael dransfield so what was the point of that 5 years of study if i can’t pepper the future with meaningful quotes? ‘the road unravels as i go’.. the poem also references a ‘wagga rug’. i think.)

so at least gang of youths aren’t outnumbered by vampires, it’s life & relationships, & this album is my current 52 minute jam that makes me believe art is on my side.

‘fire of my loins / light of my life / we’re vastly outnumbered’

& though i normally hate textual memes (it’s irrational & yes i know it – i secretly (or not-so-secretly anymore) judge people who share clichéd motivational stuff on social media. i should definitely work on this problem of mine..) this one worked for me yesterday afternoon (from the instagram account youremytype – sorry not sure who the designer behind it is):

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it speaks to me about the sense of just letting everything take me along, floating directionless, mainly acting to avoid risks & uncertainty. damn motivational statements!

finally (if you’re questioning how this blog post could possibly appear during work hours.. well, it’s not important) here’s another update sort of thing. if my work appears in a contemporary art space can i start calling myself a contemporary artist? will someone engage with the work in north sydney this month, start connecting it with his/her own life experience, knit it into a tapestry of poignancy? maybe it will motivate someone..

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