late 2014 i worked briefly with a group of local artists on a project – they were all challenged to make artworks responding to the murrumbidgee river. one member of the group was an aboriginal artist, david williams. we had an initial group meeting where i intended to get everyone talking about the project, discussing things, bouncing ideas off each other. it wasn’t overly productive but was friendly & fun. it was kind of brief – nobody was too expansive. i think it was my fault a little. i needed to guide the process. one thing i remember david saying about the river stuck with me tho. he’s not an overly talkative guy, but he said what the river meant to him was simple: it meant he was home. something clicks within him when he gets down on to the redgum floodplains. his body relaxes; he knows he’s there. home.

i’ve grown up along the murrumbidgee too & i think it’s the same for me, a bit. now that i live here in narrandera, in a sense, i’m back home. being able to get in the water every day clears my head. observing the colours as they change with the seasons has become one of my main interests. idk. maybe it is just water. but it has a pull.

my ex told me this weekend she’s seeing someone else. i guess i’m still processing that. it means this someone, this other person has now been introduced to my kids. i have to be ok with this. & i will be.

i haven’t been ‘seeing’ anyone. i don’t know if i can. i find it hard to connect with people. it takes forever to find one person. when it happens it’s so rare, so surprising, & usually indefinable. it makes me oscillate weirdly / i don’t know myself.  yes i did want that. i miss you but i can submerge that in the waters of the marambidyabilla.

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